After leaving the hotel (And paying for the window damage) the quartet set off into the English countryside. Mcclane had very little money left, so hiring a taxi or a bus was out of the question.
“Are we there yet!” said Chowder
Mcclane spun round
“Why of course. We’re in the green fields of London”
“That’s weird” said Chowder “I thought a city would have more buildings and-“
“It’s sarcasm!” said Mcclane “Geez you’d think there’d be more cars out here!”
“Hey guys!” said Mario “Look!”
A short distance away from them was a crossroads. And parked at the crossroads was a green and black car
“Quick!” said Luigi “Before it goes!”
When the gang got closer to the car, Mcclane called out “Hey!”
The owner of the car leaned out the window. He appeared to be a small black haired man wearing a suit and tie. He smiled and waved at them
“Can you get us to London?” asked Mcclane.
The man made several odd facial expressions before nodding.
“Right” said Mcclane turning to the rest of the gang. “I’ll get in the front, the rest of you travel in the back”
The journey from Devon to London was extremely tedious. Driving down the motorways wasn’t so bad although Chowder found them boring, he found the car owner an extremely creepy guy. He didn’t speak much, he just made faces and occasional noises. Sometimes he spoke to a teddy as well.
Eventually after travelling forever, they drove past a sign that read “London”. Chowder perked up at this
“So do you know where Totters yard is?” asked Mcclane
The man shook his head
“Then how we gonna find it?” said Mcclane
“Oh no!” said Luigi “We’re being kidnapped! I knew it!”
“Calm down bro” said Mario. He turned to the driver
“Where are we going?” asked Mario
The driver spoke for the first time in ages instead of making faces, which shocked Chowder
“Well they said to take you to Peckham” he replied
“Who’s they?” said Mario
“The men from my dream” said the man
The group decided to drop the line of questioning as the man was clearly insane
A short while later, the group were travelling through London streets when the man parked his car.
“Can’t you take us any further?” asked Mcclane
“Sorry” said the man “This is as far as I’m going”
Before Chowder could ask him any questions, he started his car up and drove away
“So what do we do now?” asked Mario
“We’ll have to ask around” said Mcclane “Someone around here should know where Totter’s yard is”
“Why don’t we split up” said Chowder “We can cover more ground that way”
Mcclane paused for a second
“That’s gotta be one of the smartest things you’ve said. OK gang, we’ll meet back here in about 15 minutes”
Mcclane had very little luck asking around. Despite his efforts, none of the brits appeared to have heard of Totters yard. He walked up to a man with blonde hair who was wearing a white shirt and tie and was accompanied by a slightly shorter bald man wearing glasses and a brown suit and tie.
“Hey” said Mcclane, snapping his figures to get the man’s attention
“Yes?” replied the man with a slightly psychotic grin on his face making Mcclane feel uncomfortable.
“Erm…” said Mcclane “Do you know how to get to Totters yard”
“Yes!” said the man “You go left from here and head towards Camberwell-“
“Bollocks!” said his companion “If you wanna get to Totters Yard, you go south from here towards-“
“Don’t be stupid!” said the blond haired man “I’ve lived in London all my life and I know what I’m doing!”
As he said this, he shoved his companion
“Oh yeah!” said the bald man
“Well cop a load of this mate!” said the bald man. He then punched him in the crotch knocking the other man to the floor.
Mcclane walked away slowly, leaving the men to beat each other up.
Mario and Luigi had no better luck. After asking everyone they could find (which considered of locals who’d never heard of Totters yard and Tourists) they’d resorted to reading signs in the vain hope they’d find something. Which fared no better. All they found were some useless road signs and ads for products such as a reboot of the classic 80s arcade game Space Paranoids and the album Autobahn’s Greatest Hits. When they got back to the meeting place, the brothers found Mcclane there.
“What did you find?” asked Mcclane.
Mario told Mcclane what he’d seen in the previous paragraph.
“Did you find anything?” asked Luigi
“Nah” replied Mcclane “Nobody around here knows anything.”
He then looked around
“Have you guys seen Chowder?”
The Mario Bros shrugged. Then a voice cut through the air
Chowder ran up to the group looking excited
“What?” said Mcclane “Did you find out about Totter’s Lane?”
“No” said Chowder “But I found something better!”
“What?” asked Mario
“I found a place called a pub. They serve drinks and really nice food!”
“Oh god!” said Mcclane “It’s just food food food with you isn’t it!”
“Aw come on!” said Chowder “I’m starving. Besides there might be someone there who knows about it”
Mcclane closed his eyes and sighed
“Fine. We’ll go”
“Hooray!” Chowder exclaimed “Follow me!”
As they did so, Mcclane grumbled to himself. He didn’t know why he let Chowder goof off like this, especially since he was supposed to be the legendary hero. Still Chowder had helped them before so it was entirely possible something would come out of going to the pub.
The pub in question was a large red brick building with 2 floors. Above it a sign read “The Nags head”
The quartet pushed open the doors and walked inside. They were greeted by a bustling room filled with people drinking, smoking or talking. Nobody even so much as looked up as they walked in. The group walked up to the bar where a barman who looked as if he was on the wrong side of 50 and was wearing a red shirt was serving customers.
“Hey” said an elderly man sitting at one of the tables.
“D’ya suppose that’s them?”
His brother who was sitting next to him look up. Standing at the bar was a tough looking man with an American accent, a small purple cartoon character and two cartoon man in red and green
“I guess” he replied “I’ll go ave a look”
As Chowder and the gang sat down at their table, a man walked up to them. He looked roughly middle aged with greying hair and was wearing a green coat. In other words he looked like any other working class Londoner
“Excuse me?” said the man
“Whaddya want?” asked Mcclane
“Are any of you, Chowder?” asked the man
Chowder stopped drinking and spun round to face the man
“Well” said the man “Would you mind coming with me please?”
“Ok” said Chowder getting up from his seat. Mcclane grabbed his sleeve
“Wait a second, little guy.”
He looked up at the middle aged man
“How do we know we can trust you”
“Bloody hell!” the man sighed “I’ve been waiting ere for half a day for someone called Chowder to show up and now is friend says, e can’t trust me. I mean, do I look like a bad guy?”
“Ok ok calm down!” said Mcclane “We’ll go with you!”
The man led them over to his table where an elderly man in a sheepskin coat and flat cap was sitting
“Alright Chowder me old son” he said when Chowder got there
“How do you know who I am?” asked Chowder
“I’ll get to that in a mo” said the man “Del Boy Trotter at your service and this is me brother Rodney”
He held out his hand and Chowder shook it
“Now explain” said Mcclane “How did you know who Chowder was?”
“Well it’s funny” replied Del “The other night, I had a weird dream. Two funny lookin blocks told me I had to be here at this time to find a bloke named Chowder and take im to a place called Totter’s yard.”
“I see” said Mario
“Well getting to the important question” said Mcclane “Can you get us there”
“Of course I can” said Del “Come on. The van’s out back!”
The van in question was a small yellow three wheeler with Trotter’s independent trading on the side in black letters. Del and Rodney hopped in the front. The gang looked inside
“Hey what about us!” said Luigi “There’s no room!”
“You’ll ave to op in the back” said Rodney “It’s a tight squeeze, but you should manage”
The group walked around to the back of the van and opened the doors. A musky smell hit them like a hurricane
“Are you sure about this?” said Mcclane “It looks a little unsafe…”
“Don’t worry” said Del “I’m a terrific driver”
The group then stuffed themselves into the back. Just like Rodney had said, it was a tight squeeze. In fact it made Chowder wish for the green car that had brought them to London.
“Off we go!” said Del as the van drove away from the Nag’s Head and towards Totter’s Yard
Eventually the van stopped. Chowder and the gang got out the back of the van and were greeted by a blue gate with “I.M Forman, Scrap merchant” written on it in white letters
“Is this where you wanna go?” asked Del
“Yeah” said Mcclane “This looks like the place”
“Well see ya round” said Del “I ope you find what yer looking for”
“Come on!” said Rodney “If we hurry, we can catch Alan Partridge on BBC1”
“Right” said Del “He then started the van up
“See ya round”
The van then drove down the street and disappeared. Meanwhile Chowder and the gang pushed open the gates and went inside.
They found themselves inside a yard which was strew with debris and objects.
“Doesn’t look like there’s anything here” said Mario.
“Well there’s gotta be-“ said Mcclane who then stopped. The wind around them began to pick up followed by a droning sound filling the air. Then a blue box with a light on top materialised out of nowhere in front of the gang.
The group began to creep towards it when a door on the box opened revealing a curly haired man wearing a wide brimmed hat, long scarf and a coat. He smiled as soon as he saw them
“Chowder I presume”
“That’s me!” said Chowder
The man looked at the rest of the gang
“And you must be Mcclane and the Mario bros”
“Yeah” replied Mcclane “I’m guessing you’re the Doctor”
“That’s it” said the man “Come inside, we have much to discuss”
The group walked up to the box
“Are you sure we’ll all fit?” asked Chowder “It looks a bit small”
“Looks can be deceiving” replied the Doctor ushering them in
As soon as the group were inside, they gasped
Inside the tiny blue box was an enormous white room with a six sided control panel. The Doctor laughed
“Sorry I should explain. TARDIS technology. Bigger on the inside”
After a slightly awkward pause, Luigi broke the silence
“So what do we do now?”
“We’ll answer that” came a voice from Chowder. He took out the communication orb to find the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd had appeared
“How did you do that?” asked Chowder
“It’s a two way device” replied the Nerd who went on to call Chowder something very unpleasant
“Hey!” said Chowder “That’s not nice”
“Okaaaay” said the Critic “Moving on, now that the gang’s all here, we can finally tell you how to stop Loki. You all comfy?”
The gang nodded
“Good” said the Critic “Now pay attention. To stop Loki, you need runes”
“Runes?” said Mcclane. Then he remembered
“Darth Vader said something about that when we were about to be tortured”
“Well he would” said the Nerd “Loki’s looking for em too”
“So why are they so great?” asked Mario
“Because they are the life elements of this world in physical form” said the Critic “This makes them unimaginably powerful. They also happen to be the one chance you’ve got at destroying Loki. Get them before he does and you’ll be unstoppable”
“What happens if he gets them?” asked Chowder
“You don’t wanna know” said the Nerd
Chowder gulped “Well I guess we better get started
“Right you are!” said the Doctor. He turned to the Critic and the Nerd
“So where should we start looking?”
“Try the universe of Animeshon” said the Critic
“That’s great” said Mcclane rolling his eyes “All we have to do is search the entire universe until we find it”
“Not true!” said the Nerd “There’s an ancient group known as the Sailor Scouts. Find them and you should be ok”
They then turned to the Doctor and told him a list of numbers that Chowder could barely remember
“Got it!” said the Doctor. He pressed a few buttons and the room began to shake accompanied by the sound they heard earlier
“There’s just one thing I don’t get?” asked Chowder “How did you know exactly when we were gonna arrive at the scrapyard?”
“Your friends told me” replied the Doctor
“Friends?” said Chowder “You mean you guys”.
He turned to the Critic and the Nerd
“Well you got us there” laughed the Critic “If you must know, we’ve been setting you up for this meeting”
“Really?” said Mcclane “Wait, Del said he had a dream too. Was that you guys?”
“Yeah” said the Nerd “And so was the guy in the green car”
“Then we haven’t achieved anything!” said Chowder
“Not true” replied the Critic “You saved Elmore. And escaped Bowser. None of that was part of the test. You’ve proved that you’re more than capable of stopping Loki”
“Did you hear that!” said Chowder to Mcclane “We really are heroes!”
“You certainly are” said the Nerd “But you’d better buckle up. From here on, it’s gonna get a lot tougher”