When Strong Bad, The Cheat and Vader arrived on Gethen (By teleporter no less) they instantly learned that Loki wasn’t kidding when he’d said it was cold. Although Strong Bad had donned a blue sweater and earmuffs for the occasion, he could still greatly feel the cold.
“So what’s the plan?” asked Strong Bad through shivers “Something that involves blowing up all kindsa crap and scoring with hot girls?”
“Do not be ridiculous” said Vader “This is going to call for a more subtle approach”
Strong Bad and the Cheat sighed with disappointment. The Cheat asked through a series of squeaks what their plan was to be
“It’s fairly simple” replied Vader “The political situation on Gethen is extremely volatile. The mere mention of spies will send the inhabitants into a panic”
“So where do we come in?” asked Strong Bad
“It’s simple” replied Vader “The two major continents here are Karhide and Orgoreyn. Now Orgoreyn is an extremely paranoid country. We shall meet with the people in the charge and convince them that Chowder has come to overthrow them and kick the leaders out of power. He’ll be arrested, sentenced to death while we slip out the back”
Looking out the window of the SOL, Chowder saw a planet coming into view. It had large blue oceans with several white patches which Chowder guessed were land masses.
“Is that the place?” Chowder asked. He’d managed to forget the name
“Yes” said the Doctor
“So what’s the plan?” asked Mike
“I’ve done some research on the place” said the Doctor
“They friendly?” Mcclane asked
“Mostly” replied the Doctor “Unfortunately Gethen is a difficult place. The slightest action could be misinterpreted and lead to our imprisonment”
“Guess we’ll have to be extra careful” said Mario
“Precisely” said the Doctor nodding “Now there is very little information on the rune shard” said the Doctor “But there is one lead”
“What’s that?” asked Luna
“A group known as the foretellers” said the Doctor “It’s said that they know the answer to any question. Our only lead is to somehow find them and hope they know where the rune is hidden”
As the ship descended into the atmosphere of the planet, Chowder was able to get a much better look at Gethen’s surface. The whole planet looked completely frozen over. Squinting Chowder could make out rock formations in the ground. The sun was coming down low and it looked like the planet would get dark soon.
“How long until we land?” asked the Doctor
“About 1 hour!” said Gypsy
“Jolly good!” said the Doctor
Unfortunately this run of good luck was broken by a voice coming through the radio
“Attention! Is this the craft of the one called Chowder?”
Mcclane went to stop Chowder from responding. But it was too late. Before he could stop himself, Chowder said “Yep! That’s me!”
“You are ordered to land at once and face further action!” said the voice.
“And what if we don’t?” said Crow “Are you gonna shoot us down!”
“That is exactly what’ll happen!” said the voice
“Nice going Crow!” said Mike
“Well gee Mike I’m sorry!” said Crow “I thought they were bluffing!”
Before Mike and Crow could continue arguing, the whole ship shook from a massive bang
“What happened!” said Mcclane
“We’ve been hit” Gypsy replied in the same calm voice she always used “We’re going to have to make an emergency landing”
Serena started bawling
“Nooo!” she said through floods of tears “I’m gonna be killed in a spaceship crash and left in the cold and-“
“Serena, will you be quiet for goodness sake!” Luna snapped
“We’re losing altitude!” said Gypsy “We should in hit the ground in about 10 seconds.”
Ten seconds later, the SOL slammed into the ground throwing the group off their feet.
Unlike the previous crash, the group were able to remain conscious. So they instantly heard a voice say “Open up! We have you surrounded”
It was a strange sort of voice. Chowder couldn’t tell if it belonged to a man or woman.
“Whadda we do!” Luigi said “Sheesh, we’re surrounded!”
“We could fight them off!” said Mcclane “How many of em are there?”
“By the looks of it, there’s about 45-50 of them” said the Doctor
“Well…” said Mcclane looking slightly nervous
“All armed with enough firearms to wage a third world war”
“What!” said Serena “There’s no way we can stop them!”
Just when things looked like they couldn’t be any worse, the group heard a banging coming from a nearby corridor
“What was that!!!” said Tom
Gypsy checked the computer systems
“It looks like they’re trying to break the door down”
A second much louder crash then filled the room.
“Sorry” said Gypsy “They’ve just broken it”
The group could then hear footsteps tromping through the ship. Before they had time to formulate a plan, the door leading into the control room smashed down and a person dressed in an outfit similar to that of a riot police officer burst in.
“They’re here!” the person yelled in another voice that could indicate either gender. Within seconds several similarly dressed figures stormed the room and pointed guns in the face of the gang.
“Mr Chowder” said another androgynous figure walking into the room wearing a black suit and tie. He projected an air of authority from himself
“You and your friends are under arrest by the government of Orgoreyn under suspicion of attempting to upset the government and cause mass panic.
He looked around at the various figures they’d apprehended.
“Now which one of you is Chowder?” he asked
“That’d be me” said a large balding man wearing a white shirt and blue jeans. If ever a prize was given for the most unlikely name, he’d at least take 3rd
“Apprehend them” said the figure.
The armed officers walked up to Chowder. However when they went to grab him, he instead slammed his fists into the face mask of one of them knocking him back. Another two lunged at him and grabbed him
“Get the hell off me you bastards!” he screamed punching and kicking with all his might. Unfortunately the guards outnumbered him and they soon had him restrained. This however did not stop him from thrashing about. In fact he only stopped when an officer jabbed something into his arm with a syringe. After a few seconds, he stopped thrashing and shut his eyes
“Now get the rest of them!” said the man in the suit. The officers did so. Knowing what they were up against, the rest of the group surrendered and were subsequently lead away with minimal fuss.
While the last guard was walking away, he didn’t see a small tile on the ground raise up slightly. Two small eyes were watching him go.
“Are they gone?” asked Luna
Chowder peaked out of the place they’d been hiding in. No one was there
“Yup” he said. He climbed out followed by Luna who was in turn followed by Tom Servo.
“Great!” said Servo “My joints were beginning to cramp up.”
“What do we do now!” Chowder asked panicking
“We’ve got to go after them!” said Luna
“Us!” said Servo “What can we do?”
“We haven’t got a choice!” Luna said “We’re the only hope they’ve got!”
“But we’re outnumbered and haven’t got any weapons!” said Chowder “We’re sure to fail!”
“We’ll fail if we go after the runes on our own!” said Luna “Now stop moaning and follow me!”
At this point, a smart reader like you is probably wondering what just happened. Well it just so happens that I have the inside knowledge. Here it is, completely uncut for the first time.
When the troops began storming the SOL, the group had little time to think of a solution. Mike mentioned storage containers in the floor of the control room and suggested they hide in there. However they were extremely small and only the smallest members of the team could get in there. In this case, this was Chowder, Servo and Luna. So they stuffed themselves inside with seconds to spare and waited for the guards to enter and take the others away with plans to break them out. They didn’t know if this was possible or even if they could try. But what else could they do?
Most of the guards had left the SOL at this point, so getting through the ship to the exit was simple. When they got out, the group saw two vehicles parked in the snow outside. They resembled caravans, but were on caterpillar tracks rather than wheels. From where they were standing, Chowder could see the guards moving an unconscious figure into the back. After a few seconds he realised who it was
“John” Chowder thought. Before he could react, the guards loaded Mcclane inside the vehicle. They then slammed the back doors shut, walked round to the front cab and got inside.
Servo began to move forward when Luna stopped him.
“Come on!” said Servo “Just let me go after them”
“Don’t be silly” said Luna “You’d be riddled with bullets in seconds. We’ll have to find another way.”
From where the vehicles were parked came the noise of an engine starting up. When Chowder and the others looked, they saw that the vehicle that the group had been loaded into had turned its lights on. A few seconds later it drove away into the night.
“Great” said Servo “Now what we gonna do?”
“I have an idea!” said Chowder
“And I’m desperate enough to do it” muttered Luna. She turned to Chowder
“So? Let’s hear it”
The sunlight had mostly disappeared and most of the guards had left the SOL site. Only a few remained to guard the last of the vehicles and even then they’d be leaving soon. The SOL would most likely be sold to the state, melted down and turned into weapons.
One of the guards was standing with his back to the caravan and was extremely wrapped up in guarding the vehicle. Nothing would distract him from his duty. In the Orgoreyn military this sort of thing was common. The officers were taught from day one that the state comes first. Friends, Family, religion, anything else was deemed less important that serving the proud nation of Orgoreyn. He then snapped out of his trance when he heard footsteps from behind him.
Spinning round, he saw nothing. Except a movement in the corner of his eye which came from under the vehicle.
“Hey!” he yelled “Come on out!”
After getting no reply, he carefully walked over to the gap under the transporter.
“Hello?” he said.
A faint sound similar to muttering came from beneath the vehicle. So he crouched down and had a look.
A few seconds later, the guard was pulled under the caravan. A voice could be heard shouting “Knock him out! Quick!” followed by several punching noises. After a brief silence, the unconscious guard was thrown back out, followed by Chowder, Luna and Tom Servo.
“Did you get the keys?” Luna asked
“Sure” said Servo who then produced a set of keys. He jingled them as if to emphasise what he’d caught.
“Good” said Luna “Now let’s hurry before he comes round”
The cab of the vehicle was already unlocked which surprised Chowder. Even more surprising was how comfy the seats were. They appeared to be made from brown leather while the dashboard was covered in dials with a large steering wheel protruding from the middle. The only problem was that it wasn’t large enough for them to sit and drive. When Chowder saw this, he asked “How we gonna drive it?”
Thinking fast, Luna replied “You get on the pedals!” to Chowder “I’ll use the wheel!”
“What bout me?” asked Servo
“Insert the key and start!” said Luna
Servo scanned the control board until he spotted a slot.
“Here we go!” he said, forcing the key inside and twisting it to the right. The engines spluttered into life. Luna waited, but the caravan didn’t move
“Push the pedals!” she yelled at Chowder
“Sorry” said Chowder. He looked at the two pedals. The problem was that it wasn’t clear which one to press. Without thinking, Chowder pressed the right one.
Before the group could think they were shooting backwards, Luna could barely hold on to the wheel while Tom was nearly thrown off the seat. A crash brought them to a halt. Chowder let go of the pedal while Tom looked out of the window to see the caravan had backed into a tree.
“You had the silly thing in reverse!” Servo said.
Then they heard voices from outside. Looking out the window, Luna could see some guards had been alerted by the crash and were now rushing towards them
“For goodness sake!” she yelled to Chowder “Press the other one!”
“Right!” said Chowder. As soon as he did, the caravan sped off into the night while the guards could only look in bemusement.
“Oh god” groaned Mcclane. In the distance he heard a voice say “Take it easy. You really worked yourself up out there”
As his vision cleared, he realised he was in a cell of some kind. It was extremely dim as there appeared to be no windows and only a single dim bulb that looked as though it would go out at any second. Mcclane shot up
“Where are we!”
“In the back of a prison carrier” replied the Doctor “No prizes for guessing where we’re heading”
Mcclane thought for a second. Then he remembered
“What happened to Chowder!”
“It’s ok” said Mario “The goons didn’t find them”
“Now all we gotta do is hope they can save us” said Luigi with a hint of cynicism in his voice.
“Don’t worry bout it bro” Mario replied “I know Chowder, he’s gotten outta some tight scrapes before. In fact he’s probably on his way right now”
“Hey guys!” Mike suddenly exclaimed. He was looking out of a small hatch on the back wall.
“What is it?” asked Crow
“Looks like another transporter” Mike replied. He squinted to see who was in it
“It’s Luna!” he yelled “They did it!”
Serena cheered “Great! This place is really bad for my complexion”
Luna swerved the caravan to the left.
“Faster!” she yelled to Chowder who proceeded to push down on the pedal which did exactly what Luna asked for. The Caravan they were driving sped up until it was directly alongside the caravan containing the rest of the group. The driver and co-driver turned to see them. When he did, their eyes practically popped out of his skull when he saw a small black cat driving. It then proceeded to slam its caravan into the left side of his own causing the whole thing to shake. In response, the driver sped the van up
“More speed!” Luna yelled to Chowder. Chowder then pushed the pedal down as far as he could. Luna then turned to Servo
“Take the wheel!” she yelled. Servo leaped forward and grabbed the steering wheel while Luna rolled down her window. She then closed her eyes and took a deep breath before leaping through
The driver screamed as the cat crashed through the window. She then proceeded to land on his face and began scratching. His co-driver frantically reached for his gun as the caravan swerved all across the snowy roads.
“Get it off me!” screamed the driver who was frantically grabbing at his face
“I got it!” yelled the co-driver who fired a shot. Unfortunately, the second he did, the caravan swerved violently and instead of hitting Luna, he got his friend in the arm who screamed in pain. The knee jerk reaction from the bullets impact caused the driver to swerve the caravan to the right.
“Look out!” yelled the co-driver as the caravan hurtled towards a tree. Luna leaped out of the window as it slammed into the trunk. The sound of crashing metal and shattering glass filled the air while the Caravan lurched intensely. In the back of the caravan, the group were thrown to the floor while in the caravan Chowder and co had hijacked. Chowder brought it to a stop.
The trio rushed over to the back of the van.
“Guys!” Chowder yelled panicking.
All they heard was silence for a few seconds. Then a familiar voice groaned. Chowder and the others grabbed the doors and pulled them open. The impact had damaged the frame making them fairly easy to open.
When the doors were open, the trio saw the rest of the team in a heap at the back of the van.
“Is everybody alright!” Luna yelled
“Oh god, what happened?” Mcclane
“You had an accident” said Tom
The group began to pick themselves up off the floor.
“Hey!” said Crow’s voice “Gimme a hand here”
His head had come off in the accident and was now sitting on the floor a short feet away from his body.
“I got it” said Mike
While Mike fixed Crow’s head back on, the rest of the group climbed out of the caravan.
“How did ya find us?” Mario asked
“Quite simple really” Luna replied. She gestured to the snow. In the darkness, the group could make out tracks left by the caravan
“Oh” said Mario
“Right” said the Doctor “We’d better find the foretellers. The sooner the better”
“Let’s get back to the ship” said Serena “I hate this cold”
“Wait a sec” Mcclane said “We’re still wanted criminals”
“So?” said Serena who was annoyed at being delayed the warmth of the SOL
“So they’ll be on the lookout for it” said Mcclane
“That’s a fair point you’ve got there” The Doctor said, stroking his chin. Then he had an idea
“Why don’t we use the caravans” said the Doctor “They’d probably arouse less suspicion”
“Great!” said Mcclane “All we need are some uniforms and we’ll be all set”
“Like the ones those guys are wearing?” said Chowder pointing to the crashed caravan
A short while later everything was set. It was agreed that Mcclane and the Doctor would be the driver and co-driver while the others would ride in the back of the caravan. Mcclane found it surprisingly easy to operate while the Doctor was able to guide them towards the location of the Foretellers. Eventually they were lead to a forest with well-tended trees and buildings scattered amongst it.
Upon getting closer, a door on the hut to the right of them and a figure emerged. He walked in front of the caravan and held out his hand. Mcclane stopped
“Who are you?” he asked
“I’m a messenger for the legendary hero.”
The figure stopped “The legendary hero?”
“There an echo in these parts?” Mcclane replied “Yeah. We need an answer. Is that a problem?”
“Well no…” said the figure
“Well brilliant” said the Doctor “Then we’ll be on our way”
“Hold it!” said the figure “I didn’t say it’d be a problem for the legendary hero. But he must come alone”
“What!” said Mcclane “What’s that about!?”
“Sorry” said the figure “Those are the breaks I’m afraid”
Mcclane was about to get out the caravan and talk to him up close when the Doctor stopped him
“Well we don’t want any trouble” he said “I’ll go get him”
After the Doctor had been around the back, explained to Chowder what was happening and lead him out of the caravan, Chowder was understandably excited.
“Are you sure it’s safe?” Mcclane asked
“Don’t worry” said the guy from the hut “Everything’s fine. Provided you ask the right questions and don’t go mad from the answer…”
Chowder gulped and the man realised he’d scared him
“But that usually doesn’t happen!” said the man “Now follow me”
“Wish me luck guys!” Chowder replied as he was led away
The man lead Chowder through the forest until they came to a meadow illuminated by the moonlight. Standing in it with his back to them was a figure dressed in white and red robes. The person who’d led Chowder there whistled to get the figure’s attention. When he turned round, Chowder saw that he had a clear and kind face. The man who’d led Chowder there walked up to him and whispered something. The man in the robes smiled and walked up to Chowder.
“You’re Chowder aren’t you?” he asked
“I was the last time I checked” Chowder replied
“I’m Faxe the Weaver” said the man “I assume you’re here because you need our help”
“If it’s not too much trouble” said Chowder “I just wanna know where the rune shard on Gethen is”
“I see” nodded Faxe. He gestured Chowder to follow
“What’s the matter?” Faxe asked
“I’m just scared” said Chowder “Mung always said not to go off with strange men”
“I understand your apprehension” replied Faxe “But I’m sure you’re aware what’s at stake”
“Yeah” said Chowder
“So please” said Faxe “For the sake of everyone you love, please trust me.”
“I dunno” said Chowder “I’ve had people pretend to be my friend before and that ended badly”
“That would not surprise me” said Faxe “When you’re a legendary hero, a certain amount of paranoia is sometimes necessary”
“I guess” said Chowder
“But I promise you now, I will not harm you, nor will any of my friends.”
Faxe held out his hand. Chowder reluctantly extended his hand and took hold of Faxe’s. They shook.
“Now follow me”
Chowder followed Faxe towards a stoney grey building. Faxe opened the front door which was made of brown wood and looked very old and the two of them went inside. The interior of the building was largely sparse. The only light came from the moonlight shining through the windows while the only heat came from a fireplace at one end. Sitting in a circle were a group of people all wearing similar robes to Faxe. As soon as the door opened, they all spun round to face him
“Friends!”Faxe said “I bring good news! The hero of legend has arrived!”
At this point, all the hooded figures began talking excitedly
“But we must not lose sight of our role to play in all the excitement!”
The figures then went silent. Faxe instructed Chowder to enter circle. Chowder did so and Faxe said “Ask”
Chowder spoke nervously “Well I’d like to know where the rune shard on Gethen is located”.
The whole group went silent. After a few seconds, one of the group spoke
“It is answerable”
After a long silence, one of the members of the circle began patting the floor lightly and swiftly ten to twenty times while another one began whispering softly. They then began moving around and touching one another.
Chowder wondered to himself why they couldn’t just tell him instead of doing all of this.
Another figure stood up and laughed a strange laughed until Faxe raised his hand. The figures then turned to him while the figure who was patting the floor carried on patting.
At that point, Chowder felt as though he was being drawn into their minds. Then his mind was filled with various visions. Him in what looked like a cave covered with eggs. In front of him was a terrifying black creature. Chowder was so scared, he instantly tried to flee. As he did the scene changed. This time, he was with his friends in what was another room. This time however, he could see a cityscape outside that looked like the same world Mcclane and the Doctor had come from. In the corner, Mcclane was standing next to a grey lump with wires sticking out of it.
“What’s happening?” Chowder asked Mcclane. Before Mcclane could answer, the building shook and a terrifying roar sounded out. Chowder screamed for Mcclane as the room faded away. The next thing he knew, he was standing next to a castle in a plain. Everything appeared to be a uniform shade of grey. On the ground were letters written on torn pieces of paper. In the distance a yellowish figure was walking towards him. Chowder squinted, but he couldn’t make out the figure’s features. However he did feels an intense sense of dread as the figure approached him.
“No!” Chowder yelled “Go away!”
He curled up on the floor and begged for it all to end.
The next thing he knew, he felt a hand tapping his shoulder. With a sense of dread, he pulled his head out of his hands and looked up.
Faxe was standing over him and he was back in the stone building
“You were drawn into the ritual” said Faxe “Tell me, what did you see?”
Chowder told him. Faxe looked concerned.
“You appear to have seen your future” he replied
“Is that a bad thing?” Chowder asked
“It is neither good nor bad in itself” replied Faxe “It’s what you saw that matters”
“Got any ideas?” Chowder asked
“I’m afraid not” replied Faxe “I do not know what the future holds”
“Awww nuts” Chowder said disappointed
“But I do have some good news” replied Faxe “I know where the rune shard is”
“Well don’t leave me in suspense!” Chowder said excitedly “Tell me!”
“It is located on the Gobrin Glacier” replied Faxe
Chowder’s face fell “What’s that?”
“It’s a large glacial desert not far from here” replied Faxe “It shouldn’t be hard to get to. The problem is navigating it”
“Well that can’t be helped” replied Chowder
“A good attitude to have” replied Faxe
Faxe lead Chowder back to where the group was waiting. As soon as they arrived, Chowder introduced Faxe and told them what they’d learned. The only thing he didn’t tell them were his visions of the future since he didn’t think it was important.
“The Gobrin Glacier eh?” said the Doctor “I think I know where that is”
He turned to the team “Come on. We’ll head back to the Satellite of love.”
“Why?” asked Luigi
“Because It’ll be easier to traverse the glacier by air”
As the group walked away, Chowder turned to Faxe
“Thanks for all your help” he said
“Not at all” said Faxe smiling. He watched as the group got in the caravan and drove away.
After Faxe walked away, a trio of figures walked out of the bushes.
“Darn it!” said Strong Bad “I thought for sure, they’d let us in if we pretended to be the legendary hero”
“I told you it was a foolish idea” replied Vader “The Foretellers are much smarter than you give them credit for”
“Hey” said Strong Bad “At least I tried”
“You couldn’t even remember what your name was supposed to be” said Vader “It’s a good thing I had a backup plan of waiting here”
The Cheat than asked through squeaks how Vader had known that Chowder would come to the Foretellers if Vader had told the authorities to arrest him
“Because I underestimated Chowder’s abilities and overestimated the Orgoreyn forces.
Strong Bad smiled
“Are you admitting you made a mistake?”
“No” Vader replied “I merely miscalculated. But that doesn’t matter now that we have the location. Soon Chowder will be doomed and we’ll have the runes for ourselves!”