Inuyasha’s head was killing him. He felt as though he’d been drinking for a week and could hear voices in the distance. His vision was all blurry.
“Ka…Kagome!” he mumbled.
As his vision came into focus, he tried to move his arms and legs. However no matter how hard Inuyasha tried, he couldn’t move them.
“Oh dear” laughed a voice “Feeling a little tied up are we?”
At this point Inuyasha’s vision was clear enough that he could make out two of the bathhouse guards standing near him
“What the…?” he said. Then he realised two things.
The first was that his arms and legs were tied up causing him to be suspended in a kind of x shape. The second was that his shirt had been taken off.
“Where’s Kagome!” Inuyasha raged, trying to get free
“Don’t be hasty” said one of the men “We’ve got a little surprise for you known as the rub torture”
Inuyasha scoffed “The what?”
“It’s simple” said the other man “Either you tell us where Chowder is and confess your crimes or else”
“Or else what” said Inuyasha
At that the man nodded and began slowly rubbing his finger on Inuyasha’s underarm
“Stop!” Inuyasha said in between laughs “I don’t know anything!”
Unfortunately for him, this just made the men carry on
Kagome awoke in another room to find herself lying down on a wooden bench with some sort of water tank above her. Two of the short men she’d seen outside were standing next to her. Attempting to get up revealed that she was strapped down
“What’s going on?” Kagome asked
“It’s simple” replied one of the men “Either you admit your crimes and tell us where Chowder is. Or you can have a drink”
“Well” said Kagome “I suppose I’ll have a drink”
The two men laughed. One of them then grabbed a large tube that was sticking out of the tank with a funnel and the end and shoved it into Kagome’s mouth. The other then turned on a switch. Water began to flow from the tank into Kagome’s mouth. After a few seconds he stopped it.
“Now” said the other man “Are you sure you don’t want to tell us?”
“I don’t know anything!” Kagome yelled
“Wrong answer” said the man. The other turned on the funnel. A second torrent of water poured down Kagome’s throat. Before the interrogator could ask again, the water operator nudged him
“Hang on” said the interrogator “It’s our tea break. We’ll be right back”
The two of them then walked out without turning off the pump
As Kagome frantically tried to get free, she saw that her belly was beginning to expand. She frantically tried to call out. Unfortunately she could only managed a “Mrrrrph!”. She then heard a popping sound and looked up to see that her belly button had popped out from all the water.
“MMMMMMRRPPPPPHHH!” she yelled again.
The room that Chowder and co had found themselves in was hot and filled with steam. All along the wall were what appeared to be cabinets. Small black bugs were running back and forth across the floor and inserting coal into a large machine. Above the machine was a man with a moustache and several arms. He was operating a big control system and hadn’t heard them come in. The group gathered around each other
“What do we do?” asked Serena
“I say we ask him for help” said Chowder
“How do we know he’s not like the others though?” asked Luigi “For all we know, he might sound the alarm”
“Don’t worry” said Mcclane “I’ve got an idea”
Mcclane then crept up the steps leading the control room. He held his hands out and slowly but surely made his way towards the man. When he was just a few steps he grabbed hold of the man and using a technique he’d learned on his first day in the NYPD, he grabbed the man’s arms and managed to lock them behind his back. (It worked surprisingly well despite the man’s multiple arms)
“Let me go!” he yelled, struggling against Mcclane. However Mcclane only forced him up against the wall.
“Ok!” said Mcclane “We want answers and we want em damn quick!”
At this point, the man was able to get a good look at the rest of the group. He quickly caught on to who they were
“You! You’re the ones who are here to destroy us and claim the bathhouse for yourselves!”
“What are you talking about?” said Serena “We’re the good guys!”
“Liar!” yelled the man
“No!” said Chowder “I’m the legendary hero. All I want is the rune kept here”
The man scoffed
“Ha! You expect me to believe that you’re the hero of legend”
“Well it’s true I don’t look like a great hero-“
“That’s an understatement!” said the man laughing “You couldn’t look less of a hero if you tried!”
Chowder looked down at his feet to hide the tears in his eyes.
“Come on now!” said the Doctor
The man looked at him
“Even if he’s not the legendary hero, do any of us look like bad people? I know we’ve got you in a headlock, but that’s just for security reasons. Help us and we’ll help you”
“I suppose you don’t look that bad. Let me go and tell me your story. Then I’ll decide what I think.”
The doctor nodded at Mcclane who let the man go
“By the way” he said “I’m Kamiji”
As the group explained what they were doing at the bathhouse, to Kamiji, he nodded. After they finished he began to contemplate.
“Well” he said “How do I know it’s all true?”
“Simple!” replied Chowder.
He then took out the marble and pressed the button. The image of the Nerd and the Critic appeared. Kamiji rubbed his eyes in disbelief.
“How can we help you?” asked the Critic
“Yeah!” said the Nerd “Just make it quick”
“Meet Kamiji” said Chowder pointing to Kamiji. The Critic and Nerd turned to face him
“Yo” said the Nerd
“Tell him who I am” said Chowder
“Why he’s the legendary hero of course” said The Critic
“Yeah!” said the Nerd “The badass saviour of your world. So you better not give him any trouble…”
“Point taken” said Kamiji, slightly nervous.
The Critic and the Nerd then disappeared
“So” said the Doctor “Tell us what’s going on”
“Well” said Kamiji, sighing “Yesterday, two guys came to the bathhouse and claimed that you guys were coming to take over the bathhouse for yourselves. Mistress Yubaba then put everyone on high alert”
“Who’s Yubaba?” asked Mario
“The lady in charge” replied Kamiji.
“Just curious” said Mcclane “What did these guys look like?”
“Well” said Kamiji “I only saw them briefly” One had a red head and no shirt. The other was short and yellow”
Mcclane felt a sense of Déjà vu, but brushed it off.
“So what do we do now?” asked Serena
“I say we find Inuyasha and Kagome” said Chowder
“If they’re still alive” said Mcclane
“Well we don’t know that” said Chowder “They might need our help. And we might need theirs”
“We haven’t got time” said Mcclane “We gotta find that rune.”
“But if we have more people on our side, then we could find it quicker” said Chowder
“Alright. We’ll give it a shot.”
He turned to Kamiji
“Assuming that our friends are still alive, where would they be?”
“Well” Kaminji thought for a second
“They’d probably get taken to the torture chamber to get info”
“Where would we find this place?” asked the Doctor
“You can’t miss it” said Kamiji who then gave the group a list of directions. Chowder wasn’t particularly interested though so he mostly ignored them.
As the group left, Kamiji spoke one last time
“Best of luck. You’re gonna need it.”
He then got back to operating the boiler.
Finding the dungeons where the chambers were located wasn’t too difficult. Chowder just did what he always did and followed the group hoping for the best. After travelling through some underground corridors that smelt like they hadn’t been cleaned for ages, the group arrived at two doors which had “Torture 1” and “Torture 2” written on them.
“Which one should we go in first?” asked Luigi
“Let’s split up” said the Doctor “Chowder, Mcclane and myself will take room one, the rest of you take room 2”
The group quickly agreed and entered.
When Chowder, Mcclane and the Doctor entered, the first thing they saw was what looked like Kagome with a funnel in her mouth. However, her belly was so big that she looked several months pregnant. The trio rushed up to her
“Kagome!” said Mcclane. He removed the funnel from her mouth and shook her, only to get no response. The Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver and scanned her.
“She’s alive” said the Doctor
“Will she be ok?” asked Mcclane
“Come on Kagome, wake up!” said Chowder.
As he said that, Chowder jumped on Kagome’s swollen belly causing her to spit out some water and make a rather satisfying “Boing!” sound. Confused, Chowder jumped on her again and the same thing happened. Mcclane grabbed him
“We’re not here to use her as a trampoline.” he said sternly
“Hang on a second” said the Doctor “Maybe that could work.”
“Can I jump on her again?” asked Chowder
“Sure” said the Doctor “Jump away.
After bouncing on Kagome’s stomach for about a minute, it had gone down significantly and she appeared to have spat out all the water. She made a sound not dissimilar to “groog”.
As Kagome came round, she could make out shapes above her. At first she felt panic, thinking that her torturers had returned for more. Then she realised they looked different
“Chowder?” she asked
“At your service!” he replied
“What happened?” asked Mcclane
Kagome told them about how she ended up in the chamber and how the guys had gone off for a tea break
“You just can’t get the staff these days” said the Doctor.
“So where are they now?” asked Mcclane
“Right here” said a voice from behind them
At the same time as the last segment, Serena, the Marios and Luna walked into the other room. As soon as they did, they were greeted by the sight of a shirtless Inuyasha having his underarms rubbed by two of the bathhouse guards. (I bet that sentence has never been typed before).
The two guards didn’t notice them come in.
When Inuyasha saw them, he wanted to say something, but quickly shut his mouth to give them the element of surprise.
The quartet creeped up behind the two men. Then the Mario’s smashed both of them over the head simultaneously knocking them out.
“Nice work guys” said Inuyasha “Now could ya let me down”
The group then untied him. As soon as Inuyasha was free, he grabbed his shirt and put it back on.
“What happened to you” asked Serena
Inuyasha told them what Kagome had told Chowder, the Doctor and Mcclane.
“Course” he said “I almost had it under control”
“Yeah right” said Mario “You were practically in tears!”
“Why you…!” said Inuyasha. Then he remembered
“She’s not with us” said Luna
“Then where the hell is she?” Inuyasha asked
As if to answer his question, a scream sounded out from the room next to them.
“Kagome!” yelled Inuyasha
Chowder, Mcclane, the Doctor and Kagome stared down the men.
“Just give it up!” said Mcclane “You’re outnumbered 2 to one!”
“So” said the guard “We can take you guys no prob!”
“What about us!” said a voice from behind them.
“Inuyasha!” yelled Kagome
Inuyasha ran over to Kagome and hugged her
“I was so worried!” Kagome said
One of the guards coughed to get the groups attention
“As I was saying” said Mcclane “You’re pretty much outnumbered”
The guards looked round at Serena, Luna and the Mario Bros
“Point taken” said one of them
“Don’t hurt us!” said the other “We were only following orders!”
“Calm down” said the Doctor “You’ll be fine. We just need answers”
“Oh we’ve got plenty” said one of the guards.
“Good” said the Doctor “Now tell us. Where can we find a rune?”
The two guards thought for a moment
“Sorry” said the first “Can’t help you there”
“Oh nuts!” said Chowder, kicking the air
“Hang on a mo” said the other guard “I used to work in the boss’s office. She used to keep some stone locked away in a safe.”
“Interesting” said Luna “What did it look like?”
“Well” said the Guard “I only saw it once, so I can only remember. But it looked like a weird stone with a picture on it”
“Sounds like the one we’re looking for” said the Doctor. “Where do we go to get it”
“Now hang on one moment” said the guard “The rune is really really powerful. How am I supposed to know I can trust you”
“Simple” replied Chowder “I’m the legendary hero”
The two guards stared at him for a second. Then they broke down laughing
“That’s a good one” said one of them in between hysterical laughter
“Yeah” said the other “And I’m the Prince Ashitaka!”
They then stopped laughing when Mcclane picked them both up by the scruff of their necks.
“Now look” said Mcclane “We’ve had a long day. We’ve gotta get that rune or we’ll all be wiped out. And the last thing we need is you obnoxious jerks messin’ the whole damn thing up!”
“Point taken” said the Guard who’d told them about the rune “It’s at the top of this place”
“Right!” said Chowder “Let’s go”
As he began to leave, Mcclane yelled “Hold on a sec! How we gonna get past the guards?”
“Simple” said one of the guards “Put us down and we’ll help you”
Mcclane did so. The guards walked up to a speaker on the wall and pressed the button.
“This is the torture unit. We’ve captured the rest of the intruders. We’re gonna interrogate them now”
“Roger that” said a voice on the other end “We’ll tell the rest of the guards”
“Great!” said Serena “Now we can just stroll in and get the rune!”
“Let’s go!” said Mcclane.
Up in Yubaba’s office, she was waiting with Strong Bad and the Cheat when her phone rang. She picked it up and said “Yes”. What she heard next, made her smile. Yubaba turned to Strong Bad and The Cheat
“Well?” said Strong Bad
“Chowder and his friends have been wiped out” said Yubaba
Strong Bad and the Cheat practically jumped for joy
“That’s great!” said Strong Bad.
“I can’t thank you enough” said Yubaba “You’ve helped us remove one of the biggest threats to this bathhouse. Is there any way I can repay you?”
“Yeah!” said Strong Bad and the Cheat nodding “Give us the rune!”
Yubaba was taken aback by this request.
“Are you crazy!!!” I can’t just give you that!”
“But we’re the legendary heroes!” said Strong Bad “Why do you think we’ve helped you!”
“Oh yeah!” said Yubaba “Prove it!”
At that, Strong Bad and the Cheat got down on their knees. Their eyes were big and shiny. They looked like they were about to cry
“Oh please!” said Strong Bad “We’ve come all this way to save you and make sure our world is at peace an stuff. Surely a gorgeous girl with great brains can see it from the bottom of your heart to provide us with what we need!”
“Ok Ok!” said Yubaba
She then reached down to a draw on her desk and unlocked it. She then took out a small stone and handed it to Strong Bad
“Oh thank you!” said Strong Bad “You won’t regret this!”
The two of them shot out the door of the office, leaving Yubaba alone.
Running through the bathhouse was easy enough for the most part. The group had found a lift that took them straight to the top. As they waited for it to reach the floor, Mario had a thought
“How do ya think this Yubaba’s gonna react when she sees us. After all, we’re the enemy in her eyes”
“No problem” said Chowder “We’ll just call out the Critic and the Nerd again”
“And if she doesn’t believe us” said Inuyasha “I’ll beat the truth into her”
Chowder was about to comment on how mean that sounded when the lift pinged and the doors opened. The group stepped out into an extremely posh looking set of corridors. They walked out into them.
After travelling through the corridors for a while, the group heard voices from around a corner that appeared to be heading towards them.
“Up against the wall!” said Mcclane.
The group did so and listened.
“That was really freakin easy, eh The Cheat!” chuckled Strong Bad as the two of them strolled towards the elevator. The Cheat squeaked in response
“I tells ya, it works everytime.”
“You guys!” yelled Mcclane leaping out from the corner.
Strong Bad practically wet himself at the sight. He attempted to run past them only for the rest of the group to leap out and block his way.
“Eep” was all he could manage to say.
“Give it up!” said Mario “You’re outnumbered”
“Yeah” said Mcclane “Just hand over the rune and we’ll let you go”
“Well you know what they say…” said Strong Bad “When the going gets tough, the tough run for their lives!”
Strong Bad and the Cheat then fled down the corridor
“Get back here you little-!” yelled Inuyasha drawing his sword. He then leapt at them.
“Duck!” yelled Strong Bad. He and the Cheat did so, causing Inuyasha’s sword to miss and get stuck in the wall
“Why you-!” yelled Inuyasha. But it was too late. The two of them were already disappearing into the corridor.
“You stay here and guard the lift!” said Mcclane “Me and Chowder’ll go after em!”
Mcclane and Chowder then dashed down the corridor after Strong Bad.
Strong Bad and the Cheat didn’t know where they were running too. All they knew was that they had to get away or they’d be beaten to a pulp. So when they found themselves at a dead end with only a window leading several feet to the ground, they were a bit upset. They turned to face Chowder and Mcclane.
“Just give us the rune and I won’t hurt ya” said Mcclane
“Yeah” said Chowder.
As they advanced down the corridor, Strong Bad had a slightly crazy idea. In the blink of an eye, he held the rune suspended out of the window. Mcclane and Chowder stopped.
“That’s what I thought” said Strong Bad. “One more step and I throw the dang thing outta the window!”
“Don’t be stupid” said Mcclane “If it falls and breaks, your boss’ll be mad”
“Yeah” said Strong Bad “But you won’t be able to beat him!”
At that, a door to the left of them burst open revealing a large elderly woman
“What the hell is going on here!” she yelled
“Oh sweet lady Yubaba!” Strong Bad said, grovelling at her feet “Those evil bad guys are still alive. We came all this way to warn you again.”
“Oh really?” said Yubaba turning to look at Chowder and Mcclane
“What are you talking about?” asked Mcclane “You’re the bad guys!”
“Yeah” said Chowder “Your real names are Strong Bad and the Cheat!”
“Lies!” said Strong Bad “You just want to discredit us and-“
“SILENCE!” yelled Yubaba which caused the entire group to go silent
“I don’t know which of you is the legendary hero. All I know is that one of you is lying.”
She looked at Chowder.
“And you are here to destroy the bathhouse and steal the rune for yourself!”
“Is that what he told you?” asked Mcclane
“Yes” replied Yubaba “Are you saying that he’s a liar”
“I am” replied Mcclane “He’s been sent to steal the rune and wipe us- the true legendary heroes from the face of the earth!”
“Oh yeah” said Strong Bad “Prove it!”
“I don’t have to” said Mcclane “Your boss Lucky can do it for us
Before the Cheat could stop him, Strong Bad blurted out “It’s Loki!”. He then stopped as Yubaba scowled at him
“So!” screamed Yubaba “You thought you could trick me!”
She then snatched the runestone out of Strong Bad’s hand
“Err…not so much trick you as pretend to be somebody else. I’m really sorry and…!”
Yubaba then launched a punch which knocked the two of them through the wall. A few seconds later she looked down to see Strong Bad and the Cheat limping away from the bathhouse
“And don’t come back!” she yelled
Chowder then picked up the rune stone. It was a brownish colour and had an image of a stick figure on the front
“You mean we can keep this?”
“Of course” said Yubaba “After all you are the legendary hero”
“All right!” said Chowder jumping for joy